The Fallout: Navigating Social Life After a Divorce

Going through a divorce can be emotionally draining for many reasons. From dividing your assets to determining child custody, ending a marriage is rarely simple. In the courtroom, many couples are understandably overwhelmed as the fate of their home, cars, children, and other assets hang in the balance.

In the heat of the moment, it can be easy for people to overlook the upcoming transition to post-divorce life. Whether your ex stays in town or relocates to another planet entirely, the social fallout of a divorce can be intimidating for many divorcees—and rightfully so.

Ending a marriage often forces couples to make tough decisions about mutual friends, shared social circles, and dating. It’s normal to feel anxious about your social life, especially when it comes to your existing relationships. Divorce is a stressful time in anyone’s life, and the fear of losing the support of family, friends, or even trusted colleagues can make the process all the more challenging.

Although it’s easy to feel like you’re bumbling around town with a “divorcee” label slapped on your forehead, you can take heart in knowing that you’re not alone in feeling that way. Better yet, there are healthy ways to recover, heal, and move forward after your marriage ends.

3 Healthy Tips to Reconnect & Rebuild After a Divorce

Managing your social life can feel like a nightmare in the midst of divorce proceedings (seriously, why concentrate on making happy hour plans when your life was recently turned upside down?) but it’s important to prepare for whatever lies ahead. Doing so can help you prioritize your wellbeing through every step of your journey.

Whether you’re newly single and ready for an epic night on the town or want to curl up on the couch with your favorite book, there are important things to keep in mind as you transition into a new season of life.

Consider these 3 healthy strategies to navigate your social life, establish meaningful connections, and rediscover your authentic self in a divorce.

#1: Explore new hobbies or interests.

I know what you’re thinking: cliché. Perhaps, but before you dismiss it, there is a good reason this advice seems to be plastered all over the internet. Divorce is a life-altering event that impacts the majority of your day-to-day activities.

Throughout marriage, some people might find themselves forgetting things they used to enjoy, whether it’s a hobby, a favorite meal, or a routine. To reconnect with your authentic self, consider searching for those “pieces” of yourself you’ve lost.

Divorce can be an exciting opportunity to rediscover yourself and your passions. Don’t worry—there’s no need to have a full-on Eat, Pray, Love moment if that’s not your thing. Real life isn’t a rom-com montage, and problems typically don’t go away with a bottle of chardonnay. Instead, consider these questions to reconnect with your roots:

What did you sacrifice during your marriage? What past hobbies or extracurriculars did you enjoy before getting married or becoming a parent?
How can you make your house feel like home? Focus on creating a safe space for just you. Did you dream of redecorating your home, only to have your spouse veto the idea? Great news: now is the perfect time to prioritize your preferences.
How did you adjust your routine to accommodate your ex? Maybe you enjoy reading a chapter or two before bed, but your spouse couldn’t sleep with the lights on. Maybe you used to enjoy dinner on the couch every Tuesday to catch a new episode premiere. Whatever it is, embrace the freedom to enjoy it.

Revisiting past passions or hobbies can open your eyes to social circles you might not have considered before, and help you find and connect with likeminded individuals.

#2: Get out more…or don’t.

No matter what you’re told by family, friends, or the internet, there is no right or wrong way to navigate life after a divorce. Being a recent divorcee can sometimes feel like receiving a never-ending series of advice you didn’t ask for.

Even well-intentioned input from friends and family can be emotionally draining, making it easy to wrestle with feelings of guilt. In times of upheaval, our brains have a tendency to ping-pong between “I should” or “I shouldn’t” statements, such as:

“I should spend more time with the kids.”
“I should/shouldn’t go out more.”
“I should post more on social media so they see how well I’m doing.”
“I should/shouldn’t see other people yet.”
“I should/shouldn’t tell my coworkers about it.”

What one person perceives as rational advice doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll feel the same. We all deserve the chance to do what’s best for ourselves, and heal in our own time without being accused of doing it “right” or “wrong.” Here are some things to consider as you continue your personal journey:

It’s okay to be honest with friends and loved ones. If you don’t feel heard, respected, or supported, tell them so. Assertively communicating your needs is a healthy way to set boundaries and clear expectations.
Embrace the messy. Relationships are complex, even non-romantic ones. It’s normal to experience a “ripple effect” of chaos in your existing relationships post-divorce. There will likely be some reshuffling and rearranging in your social life. A few awkward moments are inevitable, but shouldn’t prevent you from speaking your mind candidly, clearly, and respectfully.
Ditch the “I should/shouldn’t” mantra. There’s no need to beat yourself up for experiencing the full extent of your feelings after a divorce. While this can feel overwhelming or even impossible at times, it will pass—and when it does, you’ll be thankful that you took the time to prioritize your wellbeing, instead of trying to please everyone else.

So, take it slow…or don’t. Get out more…or don’t. No matter what you decide, it will likely be the right choice for you.

#3: Always stay one step ahead, but don’t hate yourself for glancing back.

If you or your kids are fans of Frozen, let’s face it: you’ve probably had “Let It Go” stuck in your head at some point. The theme seems to pop up everywhere: don’t dwell in the past.

There is undeniable wisdom in this advice. After all, no one wants to stay stagnant forever. But we must also accept that our stories play an integral part in shaping who we are in the present, and who we will become in the future. Most of us would agree that it’s unhealthy to live in the past.

On the other hand, it isn’t always a bad thing to acknowledge how our past has shaped us. There are valuable lessons to be learned from the highs and lows of life: relationships, careers, mistakes, successes. If your marriage recently ended, it’s unreasonable to expect yourself to slam the door on that season forever. You don’t have to fault yourself for reflecting on something that you and your partner believed would last forever.

Coming to terms with unexpected loss can be heartbreaking, and it’s important to find the balance between life’s seasons: acknowledge the past, reconcile with the present, and look ahead to the future.

“Looking back” can be more harmful than helpful, but a glance in the rearview mirror from time to time can help you heal, grow, and learn in ways you may not achieve otherwise. Consider these 2 primary benefits of finding the balance between your past and present during your healing journey:

It reminds us that the grieving process isn’t linear. Grieving is a natural part of endings, even if we expected or desired things to end. Even if you hate your ex’s guts, it’s still okay to grieve the loss of a marriage. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you need to feel. The ability to accept your emotions (instead of invalidating, repressing, or questioning them) is crucial on the road to recovery. Remember, there is no expiration date when it comes to healing. Exercise self-compassion by allowing yourself to progress at your own speed.
It teaches us to embrace and apply healthy habits moving forward. Learning to accept and learn from our past allows us to practice forgiveness, acceptance, self-compassion, open-mindedness, and a willingness to experience. It heightens our sense of identity and self-worth, allowing us to move forward as a stronger, wiser version of our past self.

At the end of the day, it’s important to practice kindness and prioritize meaningful connections. A social life without meaningful interaction won’t benefit you in the long run, as it might do more harm than good. It’s worth taking the time to self-reflect and ask this honest question: “What do I need from myself and others in the wake of my divorce?”

Are You Preparing for a Divorce?

If your marriage recently ended, it’s important to prioritize your mental health and emotional wellbeing. It’s wise to seek legal counsel from a trusted divorce attorney who can help with the heavy lifting, as their support can allow you room to breathe and prioritize your wellbeing during the proceedings.

Our stellar team of divorce lawyers brings more than a century of experience to the table. Our firm is here to guide you with unparalleled knowledge while compassionately addressing your questions and concerns. You don’t have to fight alone.

Are you preparing for divorce? You don’t have to stand alone. Call our firm at (949) 565-4158 to request your consultation today.